Realization
by ChemicallyEnhanced
Summary: When tragedy strikes, Ritsu has to come to terms with his own feelings before the one he loves is lost forever.


Disclaimer: I don't own Sekaiichi Hatsukoi because there would be way more angst if I did.

* * *

" _Why can't you just admit you love me already?" Takano sighed, exasperated with his stubborn ex-lover._

 _Face red, Ritsu flustered, "T-That has nothing to do with what we're talking about here!" He went to cross the street, seeing that the road was clear of any cars. "Anyways," He continued talking, believing Takano to be right over his shoulder, "I only agreed to join you today because I was done with work and—"_

" _ONODERA!" Takano shouted, and Ritsu vaguely heard the sound of wheels screeching, of being pushed out of the way and feeling the hard asphalt below him._

 _He immediately pushed himself up, turning around to find a sight that frightened him more than anything he'd ever seen before. The bus that had run the red light had already stopped in front of…in—_

 _Ritsu couldn't even move; his body was still in shock at what he was seeing, his mind furiously denying that it was even real. Then he heard the murmurs and panicked shouts of people surrounding them, and he dropped to his knees, hands trembling._

" _T-takano," His hands hovered over the other's body, eyes quickly flickering to the way his arm was bent at an awkward angle, to the way his face was grimaced in obvious pain, to the way the blood was_ everywhere _, all over his body, his arms and legs and spilling out of a gaping hole in his chest and Ritsu just crumbled. "TAKANO! Takano, please! You'll…you'll be okay," He frantically thought through his limited supply of medical knowledge, and came up empty._

 _A crowd had formed around them, and Ritsu thought he could hear the sound of an ambulance two streets down, but he ignored it, feeling the tears start to come in rivers, his whole body shaking at he tried to figure out what to do. "Takano, hold on. You'll be okay. You'll…you'll be okay, right? You always are, you'd never…you'd never let something as small as this stop you." Ritsu knew he was only trying to convince himself now, but he just couldn't_ stop _crying; his vision had gone all blurry with how hard he was sobbing over Takano's injured body._

" _R-ritsu," Takano breathed, his hand twitching where it lay by his side, and Ritsu quickly snatched it up, holding it to his own chest as if that would help, squeezing it with all he could. "Ritsu, it's alright. Don't cry, you always looked terrible when you cried. Why don't you smile for me? Just this once…" His voice was faint, as if it took him a great deal of effort to even talk._

 _Ritsu knelt over Taka—Masamune, rubbing his hand in between two of his own, attempting in vain to warm it up, because he'd always had warm hands and feeling it so ice cold was terrifying. He managed a watery smile, feeling the tears roll down his cheeks and his heart ache like it had never before. "Alright," He whispered, already feeling the nausea create tremors through his body. "If you'll smile for me, too. And not that that horrible smirk you always have in front of me. A real smile."_

 _Masamune obligingly fulfilled his request, his lips stretched up into a small smile, but it was more beautiful than anything Ritsu had ever seen, and he somehow felt himself falling for this man all over again, the feeling so strong that his chest throbbed. "I love you, Ritsu, always have. I just wanted you to know that."_

" _S-stupid, Takano. Of course I already knew that. I've known that all this time," Ritsu said quietly, feeling a sudden sense of dread roll through him, feeling as if this were the last time he would ever hear that. But no, Masamune was so much stronger than that, he would get through this._

 _He had to._

 _Ritsu leaned in close to Masamune, kissing away the tears that had started to accumulate on his face as well. "I'm so sorry that I…that I never t-told you how I felt." He swallowed, fresh tears spilling out of his eyes. "I never stopped loving you, even after all this time. And I…I..." Ritsu couldn't continue because he'd started sobbing again against Masamune's body, suddenly angry at himself, at the world for making him go through something so painful, for not being able to do anything. "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, Masamune! If I c-could, I would tell you every day that I love you, every single time you wanted to hear it. I love you, I love you, I love you, I—"_

" _Ritsu." Masamune's hand shakily reached up to hold Ritsu's cheek, and he kissed him gently, softly; it was barely a brush of lips upon lips. "It's okay." He glanced up slightly, and his whole body seemed to tense and relax all in the same moment. "The ambulance is here. We'll be alright, Ritsu. It's okay."_

 _As the paramedics put Masamune on a stretcher and wheeled him into the vehicle, he yelled out, "I'll…I'll be right over, so don't you think about leaving before I get there, do you hear me? I'm waiting for you!"_

 _Ritsu heard Masamune chuckle faintly, and an "Alright" before the doors closed and the ambulance took off, leaving him standing there knowing in his heart of hearts that he wished he'd confessed his true feelings sooner._

* * *

With a small groan, Ritsu opened his eyes against the bright lights of the hospital, where he was sitting in the waiting room, waiting for his only love to come out of surgery. He knew it was hopeless, that…that he was waiting here for nothing, but no. He couldn't think like that. Masamune would be okay. He had to be, otherwise Ritsu would seriously hurt him.

 _But…the bus already did that for me, didn't it?_ He laughed bitterly to himself, his laughter loud and almost hysterical in the quiet halls of the hospital. It was now late at night, and most of the patients were asleep now, and Ritsu was still sitting here waiting for the man who had taken his heart ten years before. He hunched over on himself, the tears coming again as he dug a heel into his eye to keep from crying, but it was no use. They came anyways, and the pain along with it.

How could…how could this happen? If only Ritsu had been watching more carefully, if only he'd seen that bus coming, if only…if only—

Masamune wouldn't be in there right now, on the operating table, his fate in the hands of some surgeons that Ritsu had to put his faith in. His body trembled, and he held himself tightly to keep himself from falling apart right then and there. No. Not here. Masamune would yell at him for that. He would say it was embarrassing, but then would comfort him anyways. _Masamune… I'm sorry it took so long for me to say I love you…_

Another wave of pain hit him, and he covered his mouth with a hand as he cried out in anguish, squeezing his eyes shut as tears continued leaking down his face. Masamune was…Masamune was—

 _Everything_. _Is everything to me_. _If he left, what else would I have?_

Ritsu started when the doors opened and the head doctor came out with a clipboard, flipping through the papers. "H-how…" He couldn't even get the sentence out.

The doctor—whatever his name was, Ritsu couldn't even care less at this point—smiled at him, his eyes warm, and Ritsu sagged against the chair in relief. _Masamune was okay. He was okay_. He was so relieved that he started crying again, and the doctor just stood there quietly while this obviously shaken-up young man let his emotions overwhelm him.

"C-can I see him?" Ritsu asked once he had calmed down a bit.

"Of course. He'll be resting, but he'll wake up in a bit once the anesthesia has worn off," the doctor said, leading Ritsu down the hallway to the room where Masamune was resting after the surgery.

Ritsu could barely keep himself from throwing himself onto the living, breathing body sleeping in the bed, his arm in a cast and his skin pale as snow. But he was alive, and that was more than what Ritsu could ever hope for right now. He set himself down on the chair next to Masamune's bed and took one of his hands, feeling the life and blood course through his warm fingers. The feeling of his pulse was the best thing Ritsu had felt all day today.

The doctor silently left the room, leaving the two lovers to themselves as he set off down the hall with a quiet smile on his face. No matter how many years and how many patients he had treated, it was always rewarding to see the happiness on someone's face when their significant other was alright.

In the hospital room, Ritsu thanked all the gods in the universe that the man he loved more than life itself was _okay_. And then he would wake up and they would be together and everything would be okay. Ritsu took a moment to think about the implications of this experience; it made him realize that life really was too short, and constantly denying his feelings for this man would only bring him pain and suffering. When…when Masamune woke up, Ritsu would settle it. He had to, otherwise they would just continue on with the same routine they had before any of this happened, and he didn't think he could handle anything like this again.

With new determination, Ritsu squeezed Masamune's hand, and, with another start, felt the movement aimed back at him. Gasping, he looked up to see a pair of very tired hazel eyes staring back at him, and for what must have been the hundredth time today, he felt tears at the corners of his eyes.

"Hey," Ritsu whispered, smiling so widely his cheeks hurt.

"What're you crying about, _baka_?" Masamune asked, a hint of his teasing tone in his voice. "Told you I'd be okay. You should always believe what I say."

Ritsu was too happy to even care at the jab, and he nodded. "Of course." He lifted Masamune's hand up to his lips, and he kissed it, making the other's eyes widen just a fraction. No hesitation. Not this time. "I'm so glad you're okay. I love you."

Masamune laughed softly, a laugh that was lighter than anything Ritsu had heard from his boss, lighter even than anything from ten years ago. Ritsu let out a breath he didn't realize he'd even been holding, and let a small laugh escape his lips in answer, his heart airy and light and a joy filling his insides that made him want to hold this man to him and never let go forever.

They would be okay. As long as they were together, there was nothing that they couldn't get through.

* * *

A/N: I was just going to make this a character death, but I couldn't stand it, so yay! Happy ending!

-ChemicallyEnhanced


End file.
